Real Doll

Realdoll! What would happen if the producers of Black Mirror made a porno? Well, I think I may have just found the site that would start it all.

Real Doll made by Abyss Creations makes the most lifelike, realistic, customizable male sex toys on the market today. They have a whole roster of sexy inanimate fuck toys for you to browse and (if you’re lonely and rich enough) purchase. If you thought blowup dolls were bizarre, just wait until you see the shit that Real Doll has to offer. Holy. Fucking. Shit. It is both eerie, dystopian, and kind of exciting all at the same time.

From the moment you land on Real Doll’s home page, you will be able to tell that this is no back-alley Mickey Mouse operation they are running here. The site design is fucking impeccable. It is everything you want a site to be. Sleek, easy to use, intuitive, aesthetically pleasing, interactive, dynamic, responsive, and interesting. It definitely ticks all the boxes. And for a site that sells fake boxes for you to tick all you want in the privacy of your own home, it’s what you want to see.

You don’t want to buy something you’ll be jamming your johnson into from some shady looking site that can’t be bothered to take the time or effort to put together a semi-decent website? Do you know what I mean? If they can’t be bothered to do something as simple as that, what makes you think that they will take the time to follow proper safety and hygiene protocols in the production of your sex toy? You’ll buy a pocket pussy from some dodgy Japanese website, and the next thing you know, two weeks later, your dick is gangrenous and you’re cumming out of your eyes and nose! So, it is definitely reassuring and confidence-building to be greeted by such a professional and well-put-together site from the jump.

At the top of the page, you’ll find a site menu bar that streamlines the browsing process. You can choose between Build Your Own, Shop (with an extensive dropdown menu that features all of their product categories and quick links to browse each one … more on these in a bit), Real Cock 2, Extras (dropdown: Torsos, Extra Faces, Toys & Doll Accessories), and Options. Scroll down and you’ll find a section of the site dedicated to the latest Real Doll configurations. You’ll really have to do a doubletake, too, because, at a glance, they really do look like real-life porn stars. Especially with the ways they’ve posed them, dressed them, and conducted the photoshoots to make it look as if the dolls are modeling. Really, really crazy shit, man.

Keep scrolling and scrolling down the page (most the website can be accessed from the various blocks of the home page, so that’s really convenient), and you’ll find some lifelike dildo features, as well as the featured Real Doll of the moment (today it was a dirty blonde with a tan complexion, Violet 1.0), and an ad for their new line of Wicked Real Dolls (apparently the fuck doll maker teamed up with the infamous alternative porn studio for a line of goth-influenced, rocker chick dolls.

Welcome to the People Factory

Scroll down the page some more (wow, does this website ever end?), and you’ll find a mosaic of stylized browsing options. Here, you can choose to check out either the Petite Real Doll, Toys & Accessories, the Male Real Doll, and Extra Faces. If the concept of purchasing “extra faces” for your lifelike sex doll doesn’t strike you as at least a little bit odd, then you should probably consider seeking out counseling. Because that shit is fucking weird, dude.

Think about that for a second … That means that you can apparently buy brand new faces for your sex doll once you get sick of looking at one of them. Fuck it, why not just cut out the middleman and just fuck the bitch without a face on. Now, that would be some kinky shit. Or you could always just collect Real Doll faces and hang them up around your apartment. You know, if you really just want to make it official that you will never be getting laid again. But, hey, whatever, you have a silicone doll to jizz into, I guess, so … problem solved?

The rest of the site consists of panels allowing you to click into the Real Cock 2, browse their selection of torsos (probably the only relatively affordable option on here … just a pussy and/or anus, the tops of the thighs, and the bottom of the abdomen … also fucking weird), check out the Real Doll Affiliate Program (if you have a sex store or something and wish to sell Real Dolls), visit Club Real Doll (a forum for likeminded psychopaths to talk about what they and their sex dolls did this weekend; ‘and then we went to the park and had a picnic at dusk. The sunset was so beautiful that Olivia 1.0 was speechless!’), or check out their AI program, Realbotix.

The Robot Revolution is Nigh

Yeah, you read that correctly. They have AI software, allowing you to fucking create and program your ideal woman. Currently, it’s only in the form of an app, on which you create your girl, choose what she looks like, pick her bust size, enlarge or shrink her ass size on demand, etc. But you can also select or deselect personality traits, making her talkative, introspective, funny, supportive, intellectual, jealous, insecure, etc. And then she fucking talks to you and interacts with you based on those traits. This is literally the plot for the movie Her, starring Joaquin Phoenix. The site even advertises that you will fall in love with your new digital girlfriend. As if that’s a healthy and desirable thing…

The scary part, too, is that you know that they have to be only a few years away from merging these two products – the AI software and the hyper-realistic sex doll – into one. I’m willing to bet they are just waiting to make the tech of the robotics of it affordable for the mass market, and as soon as they do, the Real Dolls will come to life. Does nobody else find that incredibly disconcerting?

I mean, on the one hand, awesome, more power to you if you want to fuck a robot. I’m not even necessarily above trying it if I had the opportunity to. But on the other hand, it’s kind of fucking sad, man. This could mark the death of human interaction as we know it. Why go out and meet girls if you have a hot robot chick that will fuck you and do whatever you command that you can just power off when you’re done with it?

But also, what if these things become self-aware? What if they start demanding their rights? Do we really want to fuck ourselves into a Terminator situation? Well, actually, when I think about it, it would really just make too much sense for our species to be exterminated because of trouble our dicks got us into.

Holy Fuck, that’s Pricey!

Seeing how expensive these Real Dolls are, though, I think it’s safe to say that the cyborg revolution is still a ways away as of now. It looks as if the cheapest model is $3,999, for the Real Doll Classic (kind of a generic blonde chick). You can also customize your Real Doll, picking out the perfect face, tits, body type, skin tone, hairstyle, makeup style, even pussy type. It’s like fucking Build-A-Bear, but for fuck dolls. The starting price for a custom doll, though, is $5,999. Holy fuck, dude. Who the fuck has that much money that they can just drop 6 K on a sex doll but can’t afford to just order escorts when they’re horny?

As far as how the Real Doll feels, well, I certainly can’t afford to speak to that. But from what I’ve seen elsewhere online and on the Real Doll forum, it looks like fans are pretty fucking crazy about these things. Well, to be fair, fans of the Real Doll are also often just plain crazy … so, it checks out.

No, in all reality, man, whatever you want to do to feel good in the privacy of your own home is your business. I’m not here to judge you for dropping 7 grand on a sex doll if that’s what you want. It’s your money, you know? Whatever keeps you happy is fine by me. I just hope that we will tread carefully with this AI shit. You never know where that enticing road will lead.

All in all, Real Doll has a great site, what seems like an incredible product, and the future looks bright as hell for this company. Definitely worth taking a look at, even if you have no intent to buy – it’s fucking fascinating, to say the least.