NaughtyAmerica! I know I’ve kind of presented myself as the type of pitiful loser who can only get off to animated videos of Japanese waifus getting pierced by tentacle creatures. This isn’t far from the truth, I have blown more loads into my body pillow than I have inside a woman – though I haven’t ever been within 2 feet of a woman, so that’s not saying much. Still, I sometimes get the urge to jack off to a real man’s porn, like the kind of porn that I imagine ThePornDude enjoys. You know what I mean – the real hetero man’s pornography that features equal parts smut and giant tits in all kinds of sexual position in full-blown 4K. Pure shit. When I’m in the mood for real triple-A porn, there are very few sites that I know I can rely on to bring me the absolute best of the best. I’m not just looking for the biggest tits or the widest assholes – I want to know that I’m getting quantity of quality. That is, I’m looking for tons of quality videos that are worth the money I’m paying. If all the videos look the same and there’s only a couple hundred of them, the site isn’t worth it. Luckily, I’ve got NaughtyAmerica to fall back on.
Taking it Up The Ass for Patriotism
Not all porn sites are created equal, some are simply superior to others. In this beautiful western capitalist society, the people with the most money are capable of producing the content of the highest caliber. And such is the case with NaughtyAmerica. This website features an insane amount of hot pornstars of various ages and sizes and they’re all here to make your dick wet. Now it needs to be said that even though the site’s name implies some sort of political nationalism – this could not be farther from the truth. The name is just a gimmick and a reference to the fact that the site is indeed American. Beyond that, they respect women of all backgrounds and cultures and cover them in cum regardless of where they are from. NaughtyAmerica are equal opportunity thot blasters. The premise of the website is much like the premise behind the colonial United States. – Building from scratch, planning ahead and not settling for less than perfect. That’s why every pornstar on this website is experienced, talented and above all cock hungry. Beyond that, the website itself treats every pornstar like they’re rare gems. They’ve all got profile pages with descriptions of their entire bodies from eye color to breast type. Someone on the other side of the curtain is going way out of his way to sort these vids and I am grateful. Sometimes I’m really in the mood for some quality foursomes, on days when I feel like roleplaying as ThePornDude. And other days, especially when my mother is not home, I check out some quality MILFs – because it would be weird to do that while she’d around. She caught me watching MILF videos one time and she’s just never looked at me the same way since. I tried explaining to her that I want to bang other people’s mothers, not my mother, but she just threw holy water on me and walked off. – Whatever.
Conquering Every Form of Porn
I wouldn’t even know where to begin describing the content on this site, because there is literally a fuckton of porn for every genre you could possibly think of. They’ve got everything from extreme hardcore penetration, to cumswaps and creampies, and even orgies and solo masturbation. They are paying the big bucks to make sure they’re covering every base. On top of that, they’ve even branched into experimental porn types like VR and some things called Roku, Kiiro and holographic pornography. At first I thought they were taking the piss, but I looked into these weird-ass terms and sure enough – they’re real features. Let me break them down for you real quick, because they confused the hell out of me too:
This is some Japanese Android TV Box that is apparently super popular – and obviously I’ve never heard of it. I mean I’m still here on a Pentium 4 with a CRT monitor, I don’t need a box. I don’t even own a TV. Anyways, the damn thing lets you stream video from Roku channels, kind of like Netflix, and the short version is: NaughtyAmerica has a Roku channel. If you have a subscription you can watch your porn on your TV, without needing to use a PC or a browser. The 4K titties come to your living room straight through your Japanese TV box.
Now we’re venturing off into extremely fucked up territory, because Kiiro is apparently an electrical fleshlight. But wait, it’s more complicated than that. I have a couple of fleshlights too, and I love the damn things. I can’t say that they’re comfier to cum into than my cum socks, but I don’t regret buying them. Kiiro, on the other hand, is a state of the art, futuristic electronic fuck hole with moving parts that simulate a real vagina pulsating across your dick. At first, I thought this was a damn brilliant idea and I wanted to buy one, but then I found out that it doesn’t work on micropenises, so I had to scratch that off the list. So anyways, NaughtyAmerica has Kiiro support across many of their videos – which means that if you’re watching a girl riding your cock while wearing your Kiiro fucktoy, the video will connect to it and simulate the feeling of the vagina you’re seeing on screen. But you might be thinking to yourself: “That sounds stupid. Why would I ever buy that”. Well, you’d buy it for VR. And that brings me to the next NaughtyAmerica novelty:
Many sites these days offer VR, and I’ve tried a few of them on a VR headset I borrowed from my school. Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep it for very long, but I do remember what it was like to see a girl inches away from my face telling me that she loved me. It felt nice, even though it was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. – Girls don’t love me, they run away from me. They just don’t know how to appreciate me. Anyways, during my short experience with VR porn, I learned that there isn’t enough of it out there and it’s hard to find a good company that knows how to record VR porn. It’s not just about the pornstars. In VR porn the camera setup needs to be perfect or the video is pretty much useless. NaughtyAmerica is a good example of a porn website that records VR clips properly. When you slap on the VR headset and crank up the sex noises, you’re going to feel like you’re ThePornDude faster than you can say “No wait, don’t move, I’m about to cum in my Kiiro” Speaking of Kiiro, this is where it comes in. You combine that fucktoy with the VR headset and suddenly you’re no longer a pathetic white knight loser with a micropenis; you’re ThePornDude, slayer of pussies and conqueror of ass. Just take it from me – if you’re going to be using an automatic fuckhole in VR, make sure your door is locked. Your mother will never be able to unsee the image of you fondling imaginary breasts with your pants down and your dick in what looks like a futuristic blender.
This is the last novelty that NaughtyAmerica has to offer, and it’s probably their least memorable. The reason for this is that all the other novelties work well towards immersing you in virtual reality, and holograms, as they have set them up, are part of augmented reality. In other words, you can only see these damn things on your phone, kind of like Pokemon Go. – Actually it’s exactly like Pokemon Go, except instead of a Pikachu, there’s a wild Mia Malkova in your shower. But you can throw your balls at her nonetheless and see what sticks. Personally, I didn’t mind the holograms, but my phone can’t handle their software so I couldn’t test them properly. I saw the demo though and they look pretty hot. I’d still much rather have the 4K VR experience though.
If you’ve ever watched Star Trek and thought to yourself: If I had a holodeck, I’d use it to fuck holographic chicks all day and all night then you’ve found the right website for you. You’ll notice I didn’t talk much about the actual pornstars and the reason for that is simply that it doesn’t matter. – The site is bringing us into the future of VR, AR and will probably soon support actual robotic sex dolls. They deserve an award for those reasons alone. I warmly recommend their yearly subscription, especially if you’ve got a VR set. Bonus: They work just fine on Google Cardboard so a cheap Android phone will work fine for VR too.