Eros escorts! Hello, friends! Thank you so much for coming back to my site once again for yet another review of what’s hot and what’s not in the world of online porn and adult service websites! I don’t know why I’m being so formal and giddy about it … I guess I’m just in a good mood. Why, you ask? Well, first of all, thank you kindly for inquiring. That means a lot to me. I don’t really know why I am in such high spirits today … I guess it’s just one of those lucky days. You know how sometimes you just wake up and, against all evidence pointing to why you shouldn’t, you just feel inexplicably happy and full of life? Well, that was me this morning. And in a rare twist of fate, that feeling has stuck with me throughout the entire day! Heck, I’ve cum five times today already and it’s not even 5:00 yet … how could I not be in a glorious mood? Okay, maybe I am bluffing a little bit. You got me. Gosh, you guys know me so darned well. There actually is a reason behind my perky demeanor today. And that reason is … drum roll, please … I think I may have finally actually decided to order an escort tonight! There, I said it. Isn’t that just oh so exciting, guys? Me, the nearly 40-year-old virgin is finally going to get laid! I guess it’s probably about time that I stopped putting the ‘pussy on a pedestal’ and, instead, started putting it on the bed and inserting my penis into it. Right? Gosh, are you freaking psyched for me, or what? It’s been far too long, I admit. And, honestly, I have none other than my hero, The Porn Dude to thank for me coming to this decision. If it wasn’t for his go-getter attitude, his swagger, and his confidence (which I have always held in the highest regard and, thus, have tried to emulate and bring into my own life), I don’t think I ever would have had the gusto to go and even think about doing something like this. Plus, if I had never stumbled upon his super awesome porn site reviews (which, as you all know, inspired me to create my site), I never would have learned so much about the world of escorts, and the possibility of ordering one. Nor would I have explored these sites myself and eyed some of the eye candy available for purchase in my area. So, Porn Dude, I thank you once again for changing my life for the better. I sincerely do not know what I would do without you! I really hope to hear back from you soon, though, I would love to chat. I have so many things to pick your brain about, you know, one porn site reviewer to another. Please respond to my emails! So, as I said, I have looked into plenty of escort directories, escort ad sites, and adult services websites in the past few years since I started dedicating my life to porn and porn-related sites full time. And I honestly feel like, in looking at the sites and seeing all the ads (some of which, of course, you see more than once and in different iterations), I really feel like I have come to know some of the professional ladies of the night near me. And, so, I feel like I may finally be ready (emotionally) to call one of them in. Oh, not to my mom’s house, no way. Don’t worry, I plan to get a hotel room, for sure.
Class up the Ass
I think that my favorite of all of these escort directory sites, though, has to be Eros. So, that’s the site I will probably rely on for this sexciting adventure. There really is no other escort directory site like Eros on the web. It’s truly in a league of its own. Nobody even comes close to touching it, honestly, in terms of site design, amount of info included on the girls, usability, or (and this is the most important part, obviously) the quality of the girls. Holy heck, friends, the girls you are likely to find on Eros are next freaking level. These are not the bimbos you see on the street corners … you know the ones I’m talking about … the stretch mark queens who are either fat or pregnant (it’s hard to tell the difference with hookers sometimes) that skulk in the shadows with thigh-high boots, booty shorts, and G-strings arching up over their scarred and pockmarked love handles. No, no, no. These girls are premium. These girls are professionals. Much higher end. The real freaking deal. The kinds of escorts that a senator would risk his career over. Some of these girls are actually porn stars! If your bank account agrees with you, you might even be able to boink your favorite adult video model! Gosh, could you imagine? Maybe I’ll work my way up to that. I wouldn’t want to take on a porn star for my first time, though. That’s just begging to prematurely ejaculate. So, that is definitely one of the places where Eros sets itself apart from the rest of the pack. They seem to deal exclusively with exquisite and professional ladies. Nothing less than wonderful. Nothing less than the best of the best. Of course, the quality will likely vary depending on where you live/are when you are ordering your escort. New York City, for example, will probably have a much better selection than, say, Flint, Michigan or Akron, Ohio. It’s just simple math. A greater population, of course, equals a greater probability that there will be more attractive women willing to sell their bodies. Plus, culture plays into it, too. New York is known for its fashionistas and models (adult and otherwise), so Manhattanites are really in for a treat on Eros. That being said, if there are any supermodel level hot girls in Flint or Akron or anywhere else who are looking to exchange sexual favors for cold, hard cash—or, to use the euphemism that discretion requires, swap out “sexual favors” with “time” and “cold, hard cash” with “donations”—Eros will be your best shot at finding them, that’s for sure.
Incredible Site Design … Professional Feel
As soon as you guide your browser to Eros.com, you will be greeted by a disclaimer. I obviously don’t read those (who does?), but I believe it is about how Eros does not hold any liability if anything happens to you, legal or otherwise, based on meeting up with people from their site. You know, standard stuff that needs to be signed to keep Eros out of court in perpetuity and whatnot. No biggie. Just accept and move onto this beautiful site filled with beautiful sights. At the very top of the page, you will find a convenient and easy to use site menu bar. This is how you will navigate through the directory and quickly find whatever in the world it is that you are into (and willing to pay for). Choose from the following: Escorts [duh], Trans, BDSM, Tantra, Massage, Fetish, Dancers, Sugar Dating [third party site, Secret Benefits], Cams [third party site, Cam Rabbit … which, honestly, looks amazing, by the way], Search, and Post Ad [in case you want to try your luck as a gigolo, I suppose].
Have it Your Way
So, as you can see, Eros is so much more than merely an escort ad directory. You can also find a masseuse (presumably a happy ending friendly one), a tantra sex specialist (in case you want to pay someone to not have sex with you, but come really close), or any number of fetish and BDSM specialists. Go get yourself a dominatrix if you want! I won’t be doing that. Those leather clad women frighten me. Truly. It might be my greatest fear… Below the site menu bar, simply pick your state from the alphabetized list, choose the city closest to you, and start browsing that way. Alternately, you can also just browse escorts worldwide if you wish. I mean, you’re going to have to be pretty well off to make it happen, but some of these girls are willing to travel (if you pay air fare). Get yourself a girlfriend for a whole week if you can afford it! Gosh, I feel like that could just get really awkward really quick. Bust your nut and then, now what? Shall we talk about politics, Lacey? What’s your take on Medicare for All? All in all, if premium—or, as Eros would call it, “platinum”—level women are what you’re into, Eros is definitely the escort ad site for you. I don’t know if I’m actually going to go through with it, though. I am really, really nervous. We’ll see. But, most likely, I’m just going to fap to my favorite porno and go to bed. Gosh, I’m such a simpering pussy sometimes … Oh well, maybe someday.